One of Judy's traditions was to watch her first Christmas movie on Halloween night. I cued up a Christmas movie for Mom to watch while I went to visit a good friend. I came back 90 minutes later to find out Mom watched a pop up screen for the entire time. Oops. I should have made sure the movie was rolling before I left.
Now, I have Mom all tucked into bed for the night. I made sure she took her night time pills rather than her morning pills. I have found she has a much better sleep that way.
Mom thinks she would like to go back home on Thursday or Friday. She likes the accommodations here, but I think she is missing the friendly confines of her apartment in Tisdale. Of course, the push factor may be my meal selections. I asked Mom last week, "Would you like a chicken, tuna, or salmon salad sandwich?"
Her reply was, "Is there a Subway near here?" I was crushed. Actually, the meal selections have been stellar. Mom really is easy to please. I have been able to come and go as I please as long as I am home for meal times, tea time, and beddy bye. Mom has poured over all the Kelvington area history books and has watched some of her favourite TV shows. Unfortunately, I don't have The Lawrence Welk Show in my theme packages, and Mom assures me I am really missing out on something grand.
Seriously though, Mom is doing very well. She hasn't taken a pill for pain since she left the hospital 11 days ago. She should be able to manage being in her apartment with the help of Home Care and the catering service at her senior's high rise.
On the grieving front, I have mostly good days, but a few bad days creep in. I am sure the long awaited sunshine will improve the mental health of everyone in Saskatchewan.
Monday, 31 October 2016
Monday, 24 October 2016
October 23
I have a wanted house guest for about 3 weeks. My mom, who is 88 years old had a shoulder replacement surgery on Thursday, October 20. She had the other shoulder replaced 2 years ago. Thank God, we live in a country where seniors are valued and not written off as not worthy of the best health care available.
She was on a waiting list for surgery. Instead of having to wait in pain for 3 months, she was able to get in last week because of a cancellation. On Monday, I drove to Tisdale to pick her up because the bus would not get her in to Saskatoon in time for a 10am appointment on Tuesday. On Tuesday, she spent 4 hours in pre-op procedures. On Wednesday, Mom and I spent most of the day in pre-op protocols, orthotics, and purchasing clothing that would fit over the brace she is having to wear for the next 6 weeks. On Thursday, Mom had a successful surgery and on Sunday, she was discharged from hospital. Now, she will be staying at Casa Alvin for about 2 weeks while I continue my on the job nursing training.
It certainly is humbling for Mom and I to look after the personal care that is needed. She looked after me and now I get to look after her. I am honored to return the favor.
Indeed, my mom is one tough old bird. She takes all the pain and infirmity in stride. She is one of my greatest heroes. She never complains. She soldiers on.
Of course, she is getting 5 star care at Casa Alvin. She is getting three squares, a bottomless tea cup, and the rights to the master bedroom.
I love my momma.
She was on a waiting list for surgery. Instead of having to wait in pain for 3 months, she was able to get in last week because of a cancellation. On Monday, I drove to Tisdale to pick her up because the bus would not get her in to Saskatoon in time for a 10am appointment on Tuesday. On Tuesday, she spent 4 hours in pre-op procedures. On Wednesday, Mom and I spent most of the day in pre-op protocols, orthotics, and purchasing clothing that would fit over the brace she is having to wear for the next 6 weeks. On Thursday, Mom had a successful surgery and on Sunday, she was discharged from hospital. Now, she will be staying at Casa Alvin for about 2 weeks while I continue my on the job nursing training.
It certainly is humbling for Mom and I to look after the personal care that is needed. She looked after me and now I get to look after her. I am honored to return the favor.
Indeed, my mom is one tough old bird. She takes all the pain and infirmity in stride. She is one of my greatest heroes. She never complains. She soldiers on.
Of course, she is getting 5 star care at Casa Alvin. She is getting three squares, a bottomless tea cup, and the rights to the master bedroom.
I love my momma.
Sunday, 23 October 2016
October 23
October 23, 1980 was when I broke my leg and had to be air lifted from Hudson Bay, Saskatchewan to Saskatoon. I spent the fall, winter, and part of the spring with my leg in a cast.
It has been a while since I have blogged. What have I been up to?
Well, I have been busy. The summer was spent playing 4 games of ball on average every week. I probably golfed about 30 rounds...half my yearly average. I also went kayaking about a half dozen times in addition to lots of bike riding and walking. In the fall, I started playing hockey in the 60+ league at Schroh Arena. I am also playing volleyball on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.
My travels during the summer included trips to Edmonton, Moose Jaw, Grasslands Park, Kelvington, Winnipeg, and Greenwater Provincial Park. I didn't spend much time at the lake. I knew holidays and other firsts were going to be hard, but spending time at the lake was the hardest. Too many memories.
You may remember me saying that death was a lot like birth. When you are pregnant, you are going to have a baby. It's unavoidable. Similarly, when death approaches, you are going to die. Mourning is the same. No one is exempt. You are going to mourn. You will feel your losses. I have to admit that I was doing quite well in April, May, and June. There was a sense of relief because I wasn't tied to the Cancer Clinic, hospital visits, medical appointments, chemo treatments, and I didn't have to watch Judy suffer anymore.
The month of October has been particularly rough. The weight of grieving has settled in. One major factor affecting my emotions has been the memories associated with October 7, the day Judy had her operation last fall. Grief or trauma or whatever you want to call the condition comes uninvited. Sometimes I feel incredibly sad and it's not because of a precipitating thought or action. Grief just side swipes me. The feeling is like shortness of breath and nausea all wrapped into one. Those who have traveled this road will know that crying brings some relief. Wisdom related to grief directs me to lean into my grief. Just feel it. Don't try to push it down or avoid grief. Cry, write down my feelings, face the grief...
I do all right when things are sunny, but the least bit of adversity... a negative comment, a misunderstanding, or a disappointment brings me down. I am not as resilient as I used to be. The Alvin Kolach that most people have come to know was light-hearted, easy going, and coated in Teflon. That's a tough act to maintain. Let's just say I have lost my mojo. In the last 8 months I have experienced some of the most intense emotions ever. My heart is raw.
In response to grief, I have been trying to take it easy on myself. This fall was the first fall since 1962 that I haven't prepared for a school year. I did not renew my contract with Prairie Spirit School Division as Conveyance Manager. I am not substitute teaching or doing ukulele workshops. I'm just being a full time athlete. Keeping busy with sports, going for coffee with friends, and completing the "to do" list are therapeutic. I also avoid watching depressing movies and TV shows.
They say that grief diminishes with time, but the pain never totally goes away. The fact that a wonderful person like Judy died at an early age will never seem fair. I won't even try to philosophize about the benefits of dying early. There are no golden nuggets that cover the price that Judy paid.
The girls are doing remarkably well. They are doing the right things. They are grieving. They are remembering their mom every minute of the day. Thank God they both have wonderful partners who support them and love them relentlessly. Both girls are carrying on Judy's legacy. They are honoring Judy by the way they live their lives. They approach their careers with passion, hope, and common sense exactly like Judy did. Judy lives on and her dreams are being actualized by Haley and Mary. One of the greatest challenges the girls face is what Haley calls "Talking people down off cliffs". That is to say, both girls have experienced situations where they should be the ones being comforted, but they end up comforting those who should be comforting Haley and Mary. This is a thing that Judy would never have tolerated.
I don't know whether I will blog at the torrid pace I blogged last year, but I shall try to get the juices flowing again. My motivation will not be to keep people informed. My motivation will be to heal through expressing my thoughts in this blog. Writing about my thoughts and feelings is therapeutic. I'm sure that as I continue blogging you will see the old Alvin emerge again. Who knows...I may even get my mojo back.
It has been a while since I have blogged. What have I been up to?
Well, I have been busy. The summer was spent playing 4 games of ball on average every week. I probably golfed about 30 rounds...half my yearly average. I also went kayaking about a half dozen times in addition to lots of bike riding and walking. In the fall, I started playing hockey in the 60+ league at Schroh Arena. I am also playing volleyball on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.
My travels during the summer included trips to Edmonton, Moose Jaw, Grasslands Park, Kelvington, Winnipeg, and Greenwater Provincial Park. I didn't spend much time at the lake. I knew holidays and other firsts were going to be hard, but spending time at the lake was the hardest. Too many memories.
You may remember me saying that death was a lot like birth. When you are pregnant, you are going to have a baby. It's unavoidable. Similarly, when death approaches, you are going to die. Mourning is the same. No one is exempt. You are going to mourn. You will feel your losses. I have to admit that I was doing quite well in April, May, and June. There was a sense of relief because I wasn't tied to the Cancer Clinic, hospital visits, medical appointments, chemo treatments, and I didn't have to watch Judy suffer anymore.
The month of October has been particularly rough. The weight of grieving has settled in. One major factor affecting my emotions has been the memories associated with October 7, the day Judy had her operation last fall. Grief or trauma or whatever you want to call the condition comes uninvited. Sometimes I feel incredibly sad and it's not because of a precipitating thought or action. Grief just side swipes me. The feeling is like shortness of breath and nausea all wrapped into one. Those who have traveled this road will know that crying brings some relief. Wisdom related to grief directs me to lean into my grief. Just feel it. Don't try to push it down or avoid grief. Cry, write down my feelings, face the grief...
I do all right when things are sunny, but the least bit of adversity... a negative comment, a misunderstanding, or a disappointment brings me down. I am not as resilient as I used to be. The Alvin Kolach that most people have come to know was light-hearted, easy going, and coated in Teflon. That's a tough act to maintain. Let's just say I have lost my mojo. In the last 8 months I have experienced some of the most intense emotions ever. My heart is raw.
In response to grief, I have been trying to take it easy on myself. This fall was the first fall since 1962 that I haven't prepared for a school year. I did not renew my contract with Prairie Spirit School Division as Conveyance Manager. I am not substitute teaching or doing ukulele workshops. I'm just being a full time athlete. Keeping busy with sports, going for coffee with friends, and completing the "to do" list are therapeutic. I also avoid watching depressing movies and TV shows.
They say that grief diminishes with time, but the pain never totally goes away. The fact that a wonderful person like Judy died at an early age will never seem fair. I won't even try to philosophize about the benefits of dying early. There are no golden nuggets that cover the price that Judy paid.
The girls are doing remarkably well. They are doing the right things. They are grieving. They are remembering their mom every minute of the day. Thank God they both have wonderful partners who support them and love them relentlessly. Both girls are carrying on Judy's legacy. They are honoring Judy by the way they live their lives. They approach their careers with passion, hope, and common sense exactly like Judy did. Judy lives on and her dreams are being actualized by Haley and Mary. One of the greatest challenges the girls face is what Haley calls "Talking people down off cliffs". That is to say, both girls have experienced situations where they should be the ones being comforted, but they end up comforting those who should be comforting Haley and Mary. This is a thing that Judy would never have tolerated.
I don't know whether I will blog at the torrid pace I blogged last year, but I shall try to get the juices flowing again. My motivation will not be to keep people informed. My motivation will be to heal through expressing my thoughts in this blog. Writing about my thoughts and feelings is therapeutic. I'm sure that as I continue blogging you will see the old Alvin emerge again. Who knows...I may even get my mojo back.
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