Monday, February 21 marked the sixth anniversary of Judy's death. Kevin Cameron, a psychologist who studies trauma response, noticed the unusual behaviours of staff, students, and community on the anniversary of the Taber, Alberta school shooting. Much of the strange behaviour came from the subconscious level. My own experience has some similarities. In the two weeks leading up to February 21, I was in a funk. There were times when I had a sadness that I couldn't explain. Everything was going well in my life. In fact, things were going very well, but the sadness made its uninvited intrusion. Then I was reminded of the date, February 21. I try to put on a brave face. I move forward, but I don't move on. Whatever you want to call this sadness...it invades your feelings. There is no escaping grief. You can't go around grief, you have to go through it.
There are a myriad of thoughts that mess with my brain. I should be wearing sackcloth and ashes. I should put something on social media to display my grief to the world. I should be doing something for my daughters to help them get through this because they are being crushed by the same sadness. What to do? What to do? Although I should know better, I worry about what people think of me and what I do. I feel judged, then I remember that I am my harshest judge. I make assumptions about what people must be thinking and I am sure my assumptions are wrong. This is hard! But alas, I shall prevail. Through suffering comes wisdom and strength I never knew I had.
In other news,
1. I continue to play hockey twice a week. I have also been snowshoeing and cross country skiing. I also have a simple home gym in my basement where I perform a daily workout with an exercise ball, dumbbells, and yoga mats. Linda and I often work out together. The Linda workouts usually involve some yoga and agonizing stretches. We also try to walk as much as the weather will allow.
2. From January 28-February 4, Linda and I traveled to Puerto Vallarta for a winter getaway. The weather was great. We spent a lot of time at the pool and on the beach. We also went for long walks along the ocean, enjoyed good food, met nice people, and had a few cocktails and cervezas. We also enjoyed massages on the beach for $20 USD. We took many precautions and second guessed ourselves about whether we should be traveling when traveling was not recommended, but we felt safe during out Mexican getaway and had no problems. The highlight was a boat excursion to Los Arches Island in Bandares Bay where we were whale watching, paddle boarding, snorkelling, enjoying beverages, and eating lunch on board. Wonderful day.
4. Gunnar and Luvisa are doing well. Gunnar is nearly 9 months old. He isn't crawling yet, but he sits up on his own. I guess he is not motivated to crawl because he is such a contented little guy who is happy to just watch his sister's antics and the activity around him. Luvisa is going to preschool once a week and taking Ukrainian dance lessons.
5. Mary is on maternity leave until June. She continues to be a wonderful mom. I am blown away by the way she manages all she has to do. Morgan is a great dad and supports Mary any way he can, but he continues to work in Moose Jaw so Mary is a single parent more often than not.
6. Haley's school year is going well in spite of the challenges presented by Covid. She definitely puts her heart and soul into her career especially with her functional lifeskill students. She loves them as if they were her own. There are trials and there are triumphs. Haley is blogging about her fertility journey. Her blog, icingandanimalcrackers, has generated a lot of interest and has helped many other couples who are facing the challenges of infertility. Check it out. If you know of anyone who would benefit from reading the blog, let them know.
7. Monday will mark the day I have completed 66 journeys around the sun. I feel blessed to have the health and energy that I do have. Moreover, I am blessed to be loved and to have people who I can love.
Until next entry, I wish you joy, peace, and wisdom.
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